Who pays on the first date? It’s a timeless question. Quick disclaimer: this is one girl’s opinion, not a manual.

My dad: “The boy pays.” (I didn’t even finish the question.)
My mom: “50/50.” (She has zero credibility. Every one of her exes paid.)
My friends: Two-thirds say “the boy pays,” one-third says “split.” All of them are extremely confident, despite their very limited data.
So, I turned to my grandpa for wisdom. His answer: “Go with the flow.” Revolutionary.

Here’s my take: split the first date. Not for the reasons you’re probably thinking, but because it sets up the second date, where we get a shot at confirming whether chivalry is still alive and well.

The key is sending the right signals through your choice of venue. It needs to be nice enough to say “we are not a burger couple” (at least not until the third date), but chill enough to avoid giving off a “I expect Michelin stars at every meal” vibe. Adjusted for my very real 17-year-old budget, a well-reviewed $50 omakase sushi spot is ideal for a first date (bonus points for a no-tipping policy).

Splitting the bill gives him the confidence to ask you out again and offer to pay next time. The tricky part is making sure he doesn’t think 50/50 is now the law of the land. That requires subtle hints before the second date. By the third date, all bets are off. You might get a serial giver (watch out for overachiever energy) or a dedicated splitter. And if you’re really lucky, you’ll end up with someone who reads the room and picks all the right moments to treat you—preferably with some variety (surprises are much appreciated).